Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
