He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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