All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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