he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it glows. i had to have it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
