considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
