my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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