If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
