we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
