so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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