We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
