What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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