the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
