stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
