I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
