don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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