Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Say something about gay babies.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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