She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
