I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
