I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
