She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
