worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
