Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
