I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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