good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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