Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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