bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
