You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
