I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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