how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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