hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
