Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
