So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
