okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
