I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
