I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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