i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
