I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i now understand why vodka
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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