Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
