You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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