She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
