So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
