New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
