I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
