can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
