either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
