im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
