He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
