So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
