i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
