so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
