i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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