I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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