I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
