In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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