His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
