I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
