My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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