dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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