Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
