let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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