I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
