I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
