I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
