cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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